So there she is, a little person lying sleeping soundly on my bed that usually seem so small, now seem so big. It’s just so overwhelming. She was in me for almost 40 weeks, all I knew of her was from these scan pictures suggesting how she looked like and how much she loved to stretch her legs that sometimes one of her knee would stick out underneath my skin. And now just like in Coldplay song, her skin and bones turned into something beautiful. And I love her so.
Every middle of the night now I look forward to be woken up by her baby noises, so that I can hold her again. After feeding her, she would lay on my chest, lift her head up and look at me in the eyes until she falls asleep. And at that moment I got scared. Scared of something that might happen to her, or if I would raise her right or do all the right things. It’s a scary thought that with all the flaws in you as a human, you might screw something as perfect as this.
We named her Daisy Sybilla. She was 2.98kg when she came out and about 49cm. I’m sure she has grown a bit since then, but still all tiny to me. I had a normal delivery and labor was quite a traumatizing experience, I must say. The pain I suffered was really beyond what I expected and I couldn’t sleep the first few nights after giving birth to Daisy just recalling all that. Not to scare the expectant mothers out there as people might experience it differently. I don’t know, maybe I’m not so tolerable when it comes to pain – I mean, I cringe like a 6 year old whenever they need to take my blood.
Daisy so far hasn’t given a hard time taking care of her. I kept hearing about babies that cry for hours and hours without knowing what their problems are. She would only whimper, hardly cry, whenever she needs to be fed or changed. Any other time, she’ll just sleep and grow up, waiting for this boring age to phase out. Occasionally I watch her smiling in her sleep, observing her face and caressing her hair. I know its such a lame thing coming from myself to say, but what a beautiful baby she is. She has Fakhrul’s hair and pretty lashes, her skin is so fair she turns all red when she moves, she has long legs and long fingers, and the chubbiest cheeks. Life is suddenly complete. She’s all worth it. Worth the pain, the sleepless nights and the worries.
I now cannot live without her.