Abah Unwell

by shz

There are two major events happened last week; in case you haven’t been following me. I mean, why would you want to follow me anyway right? It’s basically that I went to Bali again, and that soon after I came back, Abah was admitted to the hospital. Since Abah is way more important to me than Bali, here’s about that first.

Abah has never been hospitalized before.

In the beginning we all (even the doctor) thought it wasn’t anything serious. My mom was telling me that he didn’t feel so well since his brother passed away when I was in Bali (wait, that makes 3 major events right?) and I thought it was just some grieving or depressing phase he had to go through. But my first night at home, he seemed to be in a lot of pain and couldn’t urine properly. I didn’t even had the chance to show him this awesome painting I got for him in Bali. The urologist thought it was the swollen prostate; which is common for men his age. But 2 days on just before he was about to operate, it actually wasn’t that. It was appendicitis and another doctor took over and did an emergency surgery late last night. The thing was about to burst anytime soon, and since appendicitis only occurs to young people, the doctor feared there’s a relation to cancer.

My knees became weak everytime I hear that word. ‘Tumor’, ‘cancer’ or ‘CA’. Even the doctor said the chance is only 5% I still could not fathom the possibility. Could this be real? He had always been healthy with his golf at least twice a week, limiting all the fatty food intake and insisting on fruits as desserts. So when this happened, we didn’t quite know what to do.  Abah had always been the traditionalist when it comes to parenting. Its like “I was afraid of my father and my children are damn well going to be scared of me..” And so we did; at least for me. I didn’t know how to react to this other than joking about how he must’ve held a lot of his pee at the golf field, or naughtily giggling when he puts on the hospital gown. I mean, that is all I know on how to act around him. Whether talk about work or making fun out of each other. To see him lying down and walk around with a bag of urine attached to his hand is just plain weird. Luckily my baby sister who had always been the closest to him knows what to do. She had never left his side since day one and I really don’t know what we’d do without her.

Then it dawned on me.

I mean, I had always knew that people around me will never last forever. That there is a higher power above that can desire the undesirable to happen. The thought of losing my parents forever has crossed my mind before, but I never really wanted to think about it. I think I’d be hysterical if it happens sooner than I anticipate it. I really don’t want it to be a sudden one, but like everything in life we never know what’s going to happen, how or when it will be. Have I got enough strength for it, will I be strong for others? I don’t know. But I know I got to.

Eventually the operation did go well and the doctor said he doesn’t think it was cancerous. That’s all I needed to hear for now and the rest of the time waiting for the test result to come in will intervene with lots of prayers which I couldn’t do since the last few days! Abah is recovering well and I guess for now my days will be trips to the hospital and missing his voice singing ‘ABC’ with Daisy.

All I know is I want him back in the house. To nag me about double checking the doors before I go to sleep, to sing more nursery rhymes with Daisy and to talk about work at the dinner table, which I usually hate.

Get well soon Bah!

Update: Abah has been discharged today (Thursday 15th) and alhamdulillah, looks healthy and just within days to be back to his old self. Thanks so much for your thoughts & prayers.