The Ground Beneath My Feet
by shz
I gotta say, last week was definitely the most exhausting, knackering week of the entire year.
You see, other than the fact that my friend Grainne (by the way, its pronounced as Groin-ya. Its an Irish thing) and Osama were here for 2 weeks, soon after they left, the architect we’re collaborating with also from UK came the next day. Ultimately, I had a whole one week meeting-marathon continuously, consisting of consultant team meeting, site visit, clinical users meeting, facade specialist meeting that by Thursday, I swear I almost vomited in my car on my way back from home around 7pm. I honestly can’t remember the last time I use my brain this much. Yes, I don’t really do much thinking in my life.
(Sorry, I have no other boring picture to show you but this typically lined up consultants on site)
Naturally I had a lot of “English” conversations with them, and it sort of made me think about my times back in UK.
I thought a lot about my life there, the friends I made, the people I’ve worked with, studied with, the things I learned and the things that changed my perceptions… and I realized what a different person I have become. And how humbling, especially humbling, most of those experiences are.
But I’m also becoming very, very annoyed of people who think so highly of themselves out of their fortunateness. I have friends who after 2 years coming back from UK, still can’t bloody stop whining and complaining about how things are in Malaysia. How crap the Malaysians are, how the Brits are better and all that bullshit arrogant talk. Its puzzling really, because if there’s one thing I learn about the citizens of the developed world, is that they are rarely arrogant, mostly humble and keep their intelligences to themselves. I might be wrong and if I do, I must had been socializing with the wrong crowd. And hopefully I didn’t.
Sometimes I really do run out of polite words to say that condemning doesn’t help (note that condemning and constructive criticizing are different things), that to those who are being so whiny about it doesn’t improve much of themselves either. Sure enough, Malaysians aren’t perfect. There are too many assholes on the road, too many local dramas and bad titled movies portraying the stereotype Malay culture, too much fabrications in the local news, too many trying to be someone they’re not or faking their accent, but isn’t this your root? Aren’t you one of them? Isn’t that your mother, father, brother or sister? Is it not where you came from? Like give me a break. If there’s anything more second class or backward, it is that – condemn.
We should know that not everybody is lucky enough being sent abroad, get all the exposures and have the advancement of mentality. Even that, I don’t really pity them because truthfully speaking, they are not that bad at all. They are as smart as other foreigners I met, except that they are more comfortable communicating in their mother tongue and that you can see they have been living in their comfort zone too long, its hard for them to cast certain habits away.
I might be shallow or short sighted in my observations, I might be too soon to judge or conclude, but I find hard to tolerate people who despise their own race. I’m not being so overwhelmingly patriotic or anything, I just find it funny when they do that. Makes me want to hand out a brand new shiny mirror, assuming the one they already have is not reflective enough.
sangat bagus article ni… terima kasih.
very observant as usual! but i guess human beings are like that! we are creatures who knowingly or not, make comparison. comparisons are generally a way to tell us that we are here and we are alive. but i guess, thats pretty boring way of leading ones lives. live extraordinarily, learn and live! thats just nitty gritty, some ppl thrive on that! btw, projek apa ni? JB hospital tu ke?
Can’t say it better myself. Comparison is OK, but to compare without factoring in cultural differences is another. I mean, most of them just talk without thinking and normally doing so with superior feeling. I just don’t think they are any better, that’s all.
Btw, yes the JB hospital.
just realise the title, this is my fav peribahasa ‘di mana bumi dipijak di situ langit dijunjung’. i thrive on this, a constant reminder that we human beings has our limits. the limits are perceived limits from where we actually stand at that particular moment. to illustrate, if i were to be in a school hall witnessing my son getting up to the stage to get his prize, while sitting and observing down, my feet will be firmly grounded on the floor of the hall. and as i looked up the hall ceiling is my limit. imagine this too, like one of your photo i succinctly remember, you in summer flip flops, feet firmly in the grassy grass (with little white flowers) of hyde park. as you looked up, i can imagine the blue cotton candy cloudy sky was your limit at thatparticular time. the different between me and you in the two incidences are basically a matter of time and space in which we stand or experience. i knew that beneath the hall ceiling, i have the same blue sky as yours. so we human set our limits but infact we are limitless. limit or limitless is good or bad, we decide!
Is this the picture? Obviously those weren’t flip flops…

Do you have a blog? If you do I totally wanna read it!
hey,
nope, not this one. that pic i was refering to was circa 2008, when you and fakrul was so deeply in love with each other. he was there too and his brother i think. but that pic freakingly strange seems to have the most effect on me up the effect of me smelling the crisp “UK” air at that moment. tried looking in your flickr, but to no avail. yes i do on and off blog(and i have a few) but none as good as yours. you keep it up ok! i have a good feeling that youre going to do alot of good in this world.
Ah, shall dig the FP again to see the image that make people remember!
By the way, your last sentence – probably one of the kindest thing someone ever said to me.
btw, the 20 Nov 2008 of this http://kitarkehidupan.blogspot.com/ has a mention of you.
hell no! im not stalking her, so dont you worry Fakhrul.
here’s another one, just in case http://biarmatiadat.blogspot.com/
Ah wow. Thanks for the first link. That was some old picture in NY.
And what’s on 2nd link other than great articles?
You’re absolutely right. I have known many people with the same attitude in the UK, some of them have been living for years. I feel that this situation happened because there is a lack social engagement with different groups of nationalities once they’re abroad. Or for some, they’re simply with the wrong groups of friends. If that’s the case I felt even more pity towards them. If you stick with one group of people, you have only one perspective. The more you engage, the bigger your perspective is.
After living in the UK for a long time, and seeing that my ‘Malaysian’ groups of friends diminishing, I’ve discovered an even more appreciation towards my fellow countrymen. After all this is our country and we do have a great tradition believe it or not. Believe me I’ve been hanging out with many Brits, and other Europeans and Americans in that case, and I feel that we are all special in different ways. Yes, we are not as developed as they are, but if you know your history, we’re surely doing a tremendous job right now. I think we can learn from others as much as the Brits are learning great things from us. Thanks for sharing, it saves me from writing a post.
Thanks for filling up the blanks in my writing, even while you’re busy travelling. Haha.
Nice one, Shaliza. I’m one of a proud kampung-bred. I didn’t get chance to study abroad. Indeed, I think I’m not that low because I still get the same chance like others to study- to have degree and now pursuing masters. Sometimes, I do..feeling offended because of these people. You are so true. “One thing I learn about the citizens of the developed world, is that they are rarely arrogant, mostly humble and keep their intelligences to themselves.” But something to bare in mind, kain kapan nanti tetap sama kan? peace!
Hi Haneem.
Good luck with your MA. I don’t even have one. See, the local grads are definitely better than me!
:-)) saya senyum lebar dan tiada perlu kata apa-apa…Azhar dah kata semua.
Well, hello. You’ve been busy! With holidays and back to work. And… must have been the work, no? Cam berat je drawing tu kan? Hehehe. Anyway, the picture looks good. You said it’s a boring picture, but I can see it told a lot more. Penat sangat kan, akak?
I’d like to have my say on this one. But, I could probably end up defending the indefensible. Haha. Upfront, I guess I could be one of those people like your friends. LOL. Nonetheless, one thing that is very important I learn when I was abroad which hard to take on with people here is that agreeing to disagree.
In my opinion these people just have tremendous expectation of a little too much. And I suppose there are frustrations. It is frustrating that for all the new technology, education with all the glorious “A”s that they got and all things that can be made known here without going abroad, things stays as they were like back before they left. It is more frustrating that after two years, things still haven’t changed.
It doesn’t have to be the UK. Cross the Causeway, and suddenly driving becomes so calming. Fair enough Singapore is a First World, but try Manila or Jakarta! (okay, this is only about driving. Haha. Just a thing to say) Driving is so much better in both cities! Honestly!
In my opinion, they just venting out frustrations. And, it could be one thing they’ve taken on. Being frank. Don’t think they despise their own race. If not, they wouldn’t be here in Malaysia. They would’ve taken up residencies in Mont Kiara or Bangsar if they do. Hehehe.
Then again, only my twenty rupiah worth. Hehe. Agree to disagree, no?
Hi dik. (I think its only appropriate to start calling you that now, eh after so many kaks? Haha)
Sometimes its not just an expression of frustration. Most of the times they’d say something like, “It would’ve never happened if this was in UK/US/wherever”. “Ni lah dia, org Melayu..” (As if he/she’s not Melayu!)
The thing is you can’t simply compare. Take across the causeway; Singapore is very restrictive, from education to national service — has to have a system, points, and rigidity. They’re not the most open minded or creative people either because they’re stuck with that system. Would it work the same way with us? Plus I’m not trying to get political by complaining that we don’t have enough infrastructure or better public transportation. All I’m getting at is cultural.
And its surprising what you mentioned about driving in Manila or Jakarta. I heard totally the opposite. Read here and I heard the congestions in Jakarta is worse! Could it be that you tolerated it because you were a foreigner in their lands thus you immediately had an understanding that this is due to cultural differences?
No you were wrong – most whiners I mentioned did not come back to Malaysia by choice. They had to because their visas didn’t allow them to stay any longer. And part of the reasons why I feel they lack of acceptability to their own people (among other valid, logical reasons listed by Amer) are because they were not ready to leave. They’re physically here; but in their minds, they’re still living there. Like please, before they left Malaysia to study or temporarily work, they tolerated it because that’s the way things are. They come back after merely few years and expect things to change literally (in language of civilisation, few years is a blink of an eye),and act like Mr. Big Shot is such a no-no to me.
And those who are to me, seem to despise their own race are usually the ones who have permanently migrated, and since they are not Malaysian anymore (although quite honestly still look and act very much like a true typical Malay) its very convenient for them to condemn what they once, apparently used to be.
You know what they say, Rome wasn’t build in a day. Do remember that.
Agree to disagree – not exactly no. Just not yet. 😉
Haha, alamak. Saya sudah kena. I know, it was pretty much indefensible. Hehehe
Right, point-by-point: I do agree there shouldn’t,couldn’t, isn’t,… (to) be any comparison. Because the cultural difference is one thing that couldn’t make up the lack thereof things here and there. Only that, in my opinion if I may, like for example; Singapore is basically Malaysia. If we are to say where the roots of ourselves were (I mean, they are Malay, Chinese, Indian, aren’t they not?), then surely nurture here played a part to offset cultures of..(for the lack of words I could think of) backwardness?. I do agree – wasn’t built in a day. I do agree as well, stifle their creative minds, most probably. Could it work for us? I don’t know. Maybe? After all, we are the same races, aren’t we not?
Nonetheless, Singaporean drivers also got crazy once they left Sultan Iskandar CIQ. Hahaha.
For other points, totally indisputable. But, if I can put it correctly, and I am not going to get on their side because I’m obviously your ardent supporter, hehe; for me to just put an understanding for others of what goes through their minds when they said those things. And truly, I’m sure they left for abroad when they were quite young (for me, I was 19, even if they left when they were 21 – finishing diploma courses) and in my sole opinion, they never did really have to tolerate things here because all seemed to be very good for them. What’s not good at school, no?
Coming back, it can be quite an eye-opener of what can we call…Real Life.
For those who got the work there after working in Malaysia for 5 years or so, then yes. Totally, no excuse. What jerks.
All in all, maybe all of these are just a PR-thing, no? They may want to speak in good intentions, but got the way wrong.
The thing is, and this is solely me; maybe it is combination of frustration and missing the old place. I mean, who wouldn’t miss to be greeted naturally if one entering a shop/cafe (not rehearsed, synchronized ones..haha), with “pleases” and “thank yous” and a little bit of a conversation when paying, that is very pleasant? (Unlike the goreng pisang pak cik….hehehe).
Might worth checking again when you say “Singapore is basically Malaysia”. I mean to further discuss about Singapore might lead readers to perceive me as a racist, which I’m not, if you know what I mean. I can go on about the price Singaporeans have to pay to get there so quickly, but let’s just say its a lot more comforting and easy to practice your traditions as either Malay, Chinese or Indian here in Malaysia.
We are probably talking about different people. I’m talking about whiners or condemners, you might be talking about people who gives constructive criticism, which I have highlighted that they are two different things. I don’t mind people complaining, its just the level and the manner of their complaints separates them from tolerable to bloody annoying.
About the greeting ethics – the answer is as simple as quoting Gandhi: Be the change you want to see in this world. Smile at them, say “hello”, “please” and “thank you” first. Educate them. I’m sure not all are idiotic enough not to get your message. I find that they always do return the gesture when I initiate it first. Plus, as I said – you should know that not everybody are lucky enough being sent abroad. They never experienced what you did, they didn’t know the way things are outside their world. So, being understanding and accepting of that fact will help you through it.
P/S: If goreng pisang pakcik hadn’t asked if I took birth control pills or not, even if he hadn’t smiled or say please or thank you to me, I swear I wouldn’t have any problem with him. Still don’t actually, cos I still visit him for the best goreng pisang ever. Hehehe
That’s very good, kak. See, no wonder you have big fans because you write brilliant stuff and also fun!
Anyway, yes. I suppose we are talking about different people. And, for the ethics thing, Gandhi-ji said quite correctly. Yes, they do indeed return the gesture. I still hold very dear of those courtesies and manner that they have. I do hold the door, you know! Haha.
So, there we have it. Isn’t this where is the point we agree, and still do disagree? Heh 😉
p.s Where is this goreng pisang!? Haha!
Oh, forgot to say this, there is an iPad version of WordPress and it looks cool! And I wrote this and the previous comment on my mum’s iPad. 😀
Haven’t been able to afford iPad just yet. Maybe I should put up a donation box? Hehhehe
I was looking at this (just the picture, not the news) and instantly thought about what you said. Hahaha…
Hm, I’m glad..? Yes, I am glad that Auntie is still what you open up first thing in the morning. Haha.
Okay… akak menang-lah. Haha!
p.s Donation box, why not? The glamorous Kak Shaliza blogging on the move. Haha. FYI, I don’t have an iPad ya… My mum does. 😛 I’ll send a screenshot nanti.
You call BBC, Auntie? LOL.
Not trying to win anything, just hopefully you’ll agree with me. Hahaha
dang! im impressed with the articulated levels of discussion here! im glad too, for malaysia’s sake! atleast i know now my children will have a better future here! and i guess we’re ready for the inevitable change! thank god for all of you here
Hi Azhar & Haneem.
Its funny that the person far left in the picture is also Hanim, and the one in far right is also Azhar.
You guys are not my engineers right? Hahaha