Maman

by shz

Its awful really, when you’re not talking to your mother.

Especially that you’re living under the same roof and then go to work under the same ceiling. She’s a wonderful mother ever, but she always managed to hurt me with her words. And I always managed to be over sensitive about it that I refuse to speak to her all afternoon. She then replied my behavior with the same silent treatment that now seems awkward. I can be a real baby when one of my parents start to talk about their disappointment in me. Previous events that led to the same situation were always triggered by her expression of disappointment with myself, which I found hard to accept. How can you come to terms with that when all you want is to live up to their expectations and everything that you do generated from that desire of wanting to make them proud?

There’s a saying that says sons are being put on earth to trouble their fathers. I wonder if its the same case for daughters with their mothers. Its cruel really, to never mention about things that make them proud, but seems all easy when it comes to the things that embitter them. I cannot believe at soon to be 28 years of age, I am still acting like a child. Even my almost 4 months old Daisy would smile back at me after a long cry from delaying her milk. But I know, I’m only like this because I love her the most, that I cannot bear the thought that I displeased her in any way.

But its harder now. I’d forgotten how we reconciled whenever this happened last time, since we were miles away parted and encounters can be count with fingers. And even that were through telephone. I can’t forever lock myself this in room watching all the DVDs that I crazily bought last weekend. Its even more depressing to watch good movies with all the wrong leading man in it, like The Last Samurai and Tom Cruise. Seriously, even at the most crucial action scene, he managed to look so handsome its just annoying! People in the 19th century didn’t have haircuts like that alright, boo hoo. And don’t even get me started on Kingdom of Heaven with that sissy Orlando Bloom. I could strangle myself watching the part where he made his knight speech. I could watch that movie over and over again and not be bored by pretending Balian was played by someone else. Maybe I’m just not into pretty boys and their attempts to become macho. Oh, so much for getting myself lost in movies.

Ah sod it. This is when Daisy becomes handy. I’m just going to get out of here and make my mother play with Daisy and pretend like nothing happened. Lets just hope she will hold her.

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