The Last One from Here
by shz
This will be my last post from Oxford, a place I’ve called home for the last six years.
It gets harder emotionally as my days are numbered and my things packed in boxes. It became real when they loaded my life in a lorry and I opened the door to my room, with only suitcases for journey home tomorrow. It seemed like only yesterday I arrived, a young, naive 21 year old full of hopes and dreams, only to realized today that those dreams came true and more.
So, I will journey home. I will go back to Malaysia. A place where Mawi has a world and Siti Nurhaliza rules. Where Astro and AirAsia are the only choices and TMnet broadband is slower than a snail. Where people follow Akademi Fantasia and those award shows. A place where I can’t find shoes for my big ass feet and where I have to spend more on European brands to find my size. Where it feels like one of those hot summer days you can’t bear, only that it’ll be all year round. Oh my gosh, apologies if I sound like some arrogant prick but that never really thought about home that way before. Just being pessimistic to be optimistic.
Truthfully my heart is full of fears rather than excitement, anxiety rather than happiness. Don’t know why. I tried to think again of those times when we made this decision and be sure that this is what we wanted. But really, I can’t stay on. I just couldn’t bear seeing everyone moving on and I’m all stuck here with my foreign visa and God-knows-what future. It”s hard to make it when you always feel like a second class citizen. Oh, you’re not eligible for this because you’re not from UK. Sorry, you’re not entitled to this benefit because you have no source to public funds. I swear if I hear this phrase one more time…
Is this doubt?
I don’t think so. I think this is just an emotional phase letting go. Letting go of a place that’s grown so much in you and all the things that you’ve got used to. Letting go being the one who knows it all about it and degrading it to someone who doesn’t know at all.
Life will be starting over hopefully for a better.
Jgn bersedih..harap yg terbaik utk u di sini..Have a safe n nice journey..
Mawi has a world and Siti Nurhaliza rules- diaorg dah tak glemer skang.. byk lagi benda best kat malaysia ni 🙂 … wait n see, n u’ll love it… selamat balik kampung, take care!
Have a safe journey, Shaliza…
Welcome back!
hi shaz… =)
yup,its sooo true ape yg u ckp
but, jus imagine about d sawah padi& orang2 kat tgh bendang.
(sorry if i merapu)
then slowly ur heart will accept the return & im sure u will feel the ‘pleasant’ of being home.
jangan lupa jerit ‘IM HOMEEEEEEE!!!!!’ kuat2 bler dah smpai nnti ok =)
I cant say much as i can feel the sadness dan saya pun sangat sedih la shz.. as i said before.
One of it must be because of the imagination (and own false hope) of seeing your baby growing, crawling and perhaps running on the same green i saw u dancing & jumping.
but God knows better. and i’ll pray for your safe journey home.
Oh noo.. don’t say that! Sedihnya. I think that’s what I will probably miss the most. The landscape in the pictures. Can’t find any decent greens and blues here, that’s for sure.
😦
My best prayer is with you.
Welcome home.. 🙂 Selamat Berpuasa too
welcome home shz,
i felt the exact same way when i left japan after 6 years of my life there. its a weird feeling though,but we’ll never know what He has prepared for us. Have faith, insyaAllah there is a better future ahead for both of you .:D
btw salam ramadhan,
looking fwd for another entries- photographs maybe?
take care of yourself momma, n lil one too.
cikyamx. (really miss the fotopages days ..hehe)
Dah rezeki Shz [hubby dan anak] kat sini, InsyaAllah. So cheers 🙂
Lama kita tak contact2 kan?
Ye.. lama tak dengar khabar berita. So glad you still try to keep in touch from here 😉
Dear Kak Shaliza,
Selamat pulang ke Malaysia. Ibarat sireh pulang ke gagang. It’s amazing what your blog (since shz.blogspot) has done to me. I always feel this emotional roller coaster in me everytime I read your writings and see your pictures. It’s unfair for me to say that I know you like your offline acquaintances do but boy, you inspire me!
Salam sayang from your most loyal reader.
dear sarah…
dont be so sad…
everything gonna be ok!!!!
say good bye to OXFORD and say hye hye to malaysia…