My eyes are heavy. So are my finger that type these words. An uncertainty has been playing with my head, my heart and every emotions I could feel in my body. Questions that has no answers but the experience that I will have to go through will make all my fears and joy come true. This is not a pleasant feeling. This is almost like a bad dream I can’t wake up to.
What will become of this? Confusion lingers as other people celebrate it with such joy as if they’ve never heard anything better in their lives. For some reason, it’s still very hard to find happiness in all this. Where is this happiness that I see in their faces? Can’t find it, can’t identify it, can’t feel it, almost as if suddenly don’t know what it is.
Oh joy, come on. Approach me. Happiness, recognise me. Smile, move me. Blessings, be familiar with me. Don’t want to go through this without optimism, without instinct, without care. I want out of this misery, out of this negativity that doesn’t have an exit door. Dig me out from darkness and emptiness of love. I don’t want to frown again.
Get lost morbid. Morose. Pessimistic, saturnine and all that.