My Mother Won’t Cry

by shz

My mother sent Fakhrul an sms that said, "Take care of my rebellious daughter.." I wanted to reply, "Ma, if I am rebellious which I admit I am, I must’ve gotten that from you" but hesitated as it might’ve offended her.

Zubaidah Arshad said that my mother must’ve cried on her way back home after sending me off. I don’t doubt it, I’m sure she must have as she is all flesh and blood. But sometimes (or maybe all the times) I wish she could’ve cried a little bit, or at least  be a little gloomy so that I know she cares. Sometimes I feel like I’m the child she favours less than the other two, although she probably felt the same pain giving birth to me as the others. I wanted to weep with her, so that she knows I was in as much sorrow as she might’ve felt that day when I kissed her hand and walked off. But she didn’t. So I didn’t.

Maybe she wanted to make it easy for me. Maybe she felt easier not having to deal with her grief in front of me, in front of my new husband. She never cried though, not that I’ve seen of. Or maybe she’s simply strong and she wanted me to be as well. I’ll never know. But I hope she knows that I felt burdened leaving her, as much as she wants me to know a mother is a mother – she cries anyway. 

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