My Mother Won’t Cry
by shz
My mother sent Fakhrul an sms that said, "Take care of my rebellious daughter.." I wanted to reply, "Ma, if I am rebellious which I admit I am, I must’ve gotten that from you" but hesitated as it might’ve offended her.
Zubaidah Arshad said that my mother must’ve cried on her way back home after sending me off. I don’t doubt it, I’m sure she must have as she is all flesh and blood. But sometimes (or maybe all the times) I wish she could’ve cried a little bit, or at least be a little gloomy so that I know she cares. Sometimes I feel like I’m the child she favours less than the other two, although she probably felt the same pain giving birth to me as the others. I wanted to weep with her, so that she knows I was in as much sorrow as she might’ve felt that day when I kissed her hand and walked off. But she didn’t. So I didn’t.
Maybe she wanted to make it easy for me. Maybe she felt easier not having to deal with her grief in front of me, in front of my new husband. She never cried though, not that I’ve seen of. Or maybe she’s simply strong and she wanted me to be as well. I’ll never know. But I hope she knows that I felt burdened leaving her, as much as she wants me to know a mother is a mother – she cries anyway.
Untitled Journal 
Salam shz,I guess some mothers are just like that. They can hide their emotions and I believe there are many mothers out there who’re naturally built tougher in terms of showing their emotions. They are not the kind who sikit2 nangis kind, unlike me! 🙂 haha!But whatever it is.. she loves and cares for you as much as other mothers who explicitly displayed their emotions naturally.take care 🙂
Have you ever seen your mother cried Shaliza? If you did, then it was probably the most excruciatingly heart ripping moment that she ever had. The idea of not crying on the brink of the moment of your departure was easy. To let you go like a feather sails in an open air. With an intermittent hormonious gush of wind to keep it sails and afloat, to let you have the slightest idea that she suffers none, that she believes you have been equipped with an angelic guardian by your side.Her tears were gated by the trust she had for Fakrul. Or else, she won’t let you go, with that kind of breezy airy feeling.Maybe you should tell her sometimes in a phone conversation (maybe) that you love her. For a mother (and of course father), that sacred phrase shall diminish all the worries she has.
salam..what i’ve heard about your mother from my boss (ex-UTM also) is that she is a STRONG person…a very kind and helpful person….that’s what my hubby told me too…my hubby knows your family quite well…take care….i think when the times come..when you are also a mother..then you will know…InsyaAllah